December 4, 2012

Dear Chuck,

This is a letter you will probably never receive, for I never send the letters I write. I write this though, so that maybe, just in case you do see this, you'll see my side of everything. First of all I'd like to say I'm not mad… A little upset yes… Certainly not happy… but, more disappointed than anything else. I felt so certain that… we were going to be together for a lot longer than this. You said that there was no communication… I don't deny this… but I am confused as to why I feel like you are blaming me for this. I realize now that maybe you just didn't understand how hard I tried to 'communicate' with you… it even felt to me… like you were the one who was not trying to communicate with me. I tried So Hard. But quite honestly I feel abandoned. Every text I sent you and you didn't reply to. Every time I said something, you would ignore, or talk over, or criticize. Every time I asked you out, how you would cancel, or something would come up, or you just didn't feel like it. Those walks were supposed to be time together. Time to talk and laugh and get to know each other more. To me, it was so important, So, So Important. I guess you just didn't see it in that way… But then again maybe it's me. Maybe I should have tried even Harder. Yeah… I guess I just did not try hard enough… I did not fight fierce enough for Us. Maybe you did try to communicate with me and I just didn't see it. Maybe I'm stupid and blind and an idiot. A lot of people seem to think so… so you wouldn't be the first one. I took that narcotic pill this morning, because I knew that the 'talk' you wanted to have wasn't going to be a good one, and it kept the pit in my stomach away. Despite knowing it was going to be bad… I never in a trillion years would have thought that you were going to say what you did. Sure I had my fears, but I never ever believed that… we wouldn't be together anymore. This goes back to how hard I fought for you and me. Almost all of my friends disliked you, thought you were mean, or just thought that being with you put me in a bad position. Half the time I didn't blame them. Over the past couple month's I have never cried, felt hated, and felt so insecure. I could name a thousand people who were nicer than you… but I couldn't even name five that I cared about more. But I guess it can't be helped. You obviously think that it is time for us to stop. To end. To be apart. Although it is against my wishes, I will try my best to stay away from you. That's what I wanted when I broke up with Tom, space. I wanted space, miles and miles of space. It'll be hard to leave you alone completely, especially with the play and us having a class together, but I will try none the less. I apologize for being such a burden to you. I guess the people were all right… I'm better off hated than loved. Well I hope you have a better life than the one you had with me I guess…

-Miranda